Maybe it’s Animals
If speaking with humans means me being tired and sick…
I Feel So Stupid
March 31, 2023
Contribution Regret, I think I’ll call it, or maybe Participation Rue. Any way I describe its headline there’s a remorse at having opened my mouth for some community gathering or another and it pains me not to be able to erase myself from the map of all that is… and yet, I’m completely at home with that.
I’m not sure I want to fix that feeling of regret. Nor do I feel to change anything at all or seek out what needs healing in all that. Nope, I’m pretty okay with just having the feeling, ‘I feel stupid, please erase me from your memory and start again’.
Is that strange? I don’t know. All I can say for sure is that being the exception to the rule or the fly in the ointment (as I described myself on this particular call this morning^) is a pretty normal experience for me. If that’s meant to be something to heal or a problem to fix, I’m unaware of that and, more importantly, so not interested in pursuing it down that unhelpful, raggedy rabbit hole.
It is what it is until it’s not.
^via Zoom a la Ram Dass’s 21-Day Cookbook for a Sacred Life Course
